No, thanks
by RighterWriter
Summary: Marie has a few questions for Stein


"Stein," Marie pouted over her coffee cup. "How come we never have sex anymore?"

Stein choked on his coffee and looked up at her. "Huh?"

"I mean, we did that once when we got you home from Medusa's lab, but… Why haven't you ever even tried since then?" Stein searched her face for any signs of facetiousness but there was none—she was actually serious. He slowly set down his coffee mug, thinking quickly of how he would phrase this so that she wouldn't get upset. But his mind was so busy trying to think that he didn't notice the fact that he was already talking.

"I don't want to. It's boring."

She looked shocked—even hurt. "It's because of me, isn't it? I'm not good enough. I can get manuals—"

"Marie, it's not you. It's just… I don't get the point of it. I could be doing other things."

She looked at him skeptically. "What, really?"

He shrugged and picked his coffee back up. _I need a list of things to do, speaking of that. I should write that down. Oh, I wanted to look up the-_

"You're telling me you don't find sex enjoyable at all?"

And the train of thought was entirely derailed. With mild irritation, he said, "No I don't. It's all skin and lips and bodily fluids and… And it's just sort of… Boring. I see that stuff all day." She frowned as though she were about to launch into a tirade, so to prevent her from doing so, he quickly added, "Sorry." It didn't help. In fact, it seemed he had only thrown the champagne bottle, and now the ship was launched.

"Sorry? You're comparing me to a CADAVER, Stein!"

"Huh? I didn't—"

"Look, if it's something I'm doing—or not doing—you can tell me."

"It's not—"

"We've been partners for almost a year now, and only had sex once!"

"Marie, th—"

"I mean, I know you don't attach quickly, but we've known each other for years, now! Don't you think it's time we stepped things up?"

"Look, I—"

"Is it just that I'm not attractive?"

"No, it's—" He stopped, waiting to be interrupted. She stared at him expectantly. "It's not that. As far as women go, I think you're very attractive, okay?" She pouted and looked as though she wanted to say something, so he went on. "It's just that I don't really find it all that pleasurable. I mean, it's like trying to tickle myself, you know? It's just… _Boring._"

She still looked dubious, but she didn't say anything. In fact, after a moment, her doubt turned to a facial expression that med him feel rather uncomfortable—she looked like she was planning something.

"Marie, what are you thinking?"

She looked up at him and scooted closer. Stein looked at her with increasing discomfort—he had a feeling he knew what she was planning. He sighed, and she scooted so close that they were shoulder to shoulder. Slowly, tentatively, Marie leaned over him, forcing him to lean backward. She slid her hands underneath his shirt and pulled it up.

He tried his hardest to enjoy it, and for the first few moments, he did. The smooth, warm hands of his partner against his skin sent thrills up his spine. That brought to mind an experiment he'd read where the scientist taped the hair on a cat's back down and then provoked it to fright. The cat's reaction wasn't as severe because the hair on its spine was prevented from raising due to the tape. _I wonder if I could do the same thing here… What if I didn't resonate souls with her…?_ He followed this thought until Marie planted her lips on his, and he was pulled from his reverie. She reached for his zipper and he sighed.

Stopping, she looked him in the eye—they stared at each other for a moment before she let out a sigh. "You could at least _pretend_ to enjoy this."

"No I can't. You know I'm no good at that."

With another sigh, she laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He was expecting her to make another attempt at pleasing him—or herself, rather—but she just laid there on his bare chest. He relaxed somewhat, and allowed himself a smile, half of relief and half of amusement.

"I really am sorry, you know," he said quietly.

"Yeah. I know."


End file.
